I don't understand...but I'm trying

I don't understand how people can be so taken with their Christian faith, but I'm trying. At one time I to felt like all my problems had been solved, that there was a God that loved me and accepted me for who I was. But then a question I never had problems with before came up.
Who am I?
The Bible told me most of the things I felt, the things that made me me...were wrong. Love all, forgive, abstinance. The guilt I felt for the way I felt was tearing me apart. Where before I had peace, now there was only conflict, misery, but still I tried. It was for the greater good wasn't it? My key to heaven, to salvation?
I often cried myself to sleep, it was so hard, so very hard. I envied those it seemed to come so easy for then felt guilty for my envy.
Then my eyes opened, my mind cleared, and I remembered who I was. It happened at a youth group, a woman I had looked up to, someone I believed to be a woman of God, stated her step-daughter wasn't allowd to show affection to her girlfriend infront of her siblings. That being gay was an abomination because the Bible said so and it wasn't acceptable to God. This woman who stated she judged no one, would not even accept her step-daughter becuase of a stupid book. Like I said, my eyes opened. This wasn't me.

I'm a bitch and I'll admit it with pride. Pride, yes thats me. I am the reason strict religious parents keep such a close watch on their children, so they don't become like me. I don't forgive unless I feel like it. I don't turn the other cheek. I fight back, not back down. I believe in me. I am my own salvation. I don't a book written by fools to tell me how I should be.

But still I'm curious...as to how people can believe in something that goes against natural instincts. To blindly put their faith in something. So I watch. I go to the Solid Rock and listen and watch the faithful.